About a Ben

Wood

In darkest woodland, where sunlight seldom came, I stayed. To thwart the most primal of fears, I watched grey skies grow black, black grow grey in time-halting tedium. Amongst trees grown old and still living my body grew thin and my skin stained grey as the cloudy days. Life lived there and I could not stop it. I allowed the berries to swell, the deer to roam undisturbed over lush ground. Frailty would not find me here, I told myself. I existed as the trees did and my hair grew and fell out like the leaves did and my nails grew and snapped off like the branches did. The stone and the wood and the thorns bruised me as the blustering, violent storms shook the trees. My lips parted wide and drank from the skies as the roots took the rains and doubled in size as they sipped the clouds. There was one fine trunk that grew right on the edge of a mud ledge and its roots could be seen growing through the slippery cliff-face as tall as a I was. One day, the blackest cloud let out its bounty upon the sopping earth and washed the mud-ledge clear away and the tree stood there on only its fine old roots, suspended, and for a grey day or two more it stayed. I sat within the ribcage of roots and the sun shone through. The earth boiled until it dried and then baked until it died. The earth crumbled softly and the tree lost its grip and it toppled right over on top of me amongst its uprooted skeleton. I just closed my eyes to inhale the scent of the earth and the wood and everything spent.

I made my bookcase beautiful.

I made my bookcase beautiful.

Smoking Mirror

Sitting before the mirror at his late mother’s dressing-table, he considered his appearance and its possible, if not probable stifling effect on his romantic pursuits. Hair from his crown met the extended angles of his shoulder-blades. Wispy golden floss hung loosely from his chin, on his upper lip and hollow cheeks. Grey-circled, red-rimmed, red-cracked, sleep-deprived, alcohol-fuelled, smoke-dried eyes provided the unwelcoming gate to his unusual soul. Yellowed nails and nicotine teeth; protruding ribs he could have hung his coats from; elongated chicken legs hung from the shoulders: the assault on the senses, however, was not confined to appearance alone: shallow breaths rattled in the hollows of his nico-tarred chest, tickling at his wax-laden lug-holes; cigarettes, whiskey and a not-overpowering tinge of cats’ piss clung to his tight yellow-grey skin; he alone tasted the staleness of his exhalations. Drawing as deeply as he dared on a spindly scrap of hand-rolled-and-wrapped tobacco, everything seemed altogether irredeemably unappealing. Chatterley purred soulfully in his lap, sending warm and rolling sensations through his tired thighs. He felt the prick of his - penis - against the cotton of his loose briefs. He shooed the cat to the floorboards. Tobacco smoke rushed to his lungs, lingered, and fled.

The Waiting Space.

In the pink paleness of morning, the concrete box-blocks stood protectively around the child watching from a fifth-floor window of House C-10. The child’s gaze followed the pacing steps of the figure on the rooftop of D-10, opposite, as it wondered at the being’s purpose in striding back and forth along the rooftop that morning. The child widened, then squinted its eyes as the peaks of sunlight pierced the sky above the rooftops, slicing into its pupils and beginning to flood its bare room.

The child watched as the windows opposite, up and down the street C-D, came to frame face after face, which peered out at the faces they mirrored,  appearing from the sunlit cells opposite. The faces came, one by one, two by two; beside one another, stacked above one another in order of age or gender, supporting breasts and rubbing eyes, tugging back hair and brushing the early chill from their bare arms until a gallery of beings looked out in weary anticipation of the unknown blankness ahead.

With a lack of knowledge combined with an acclimatisation to the nothingness of their existence, the figures remained in their frames as if free will had been left behind entangled too tightly in their bedsheets for them to bother venturing back to fetch it. A lone four-manned vehicle trundled along succeeded by a billowing pillow of dust on the road between the Houses.  All eyes followed, except for those of the child in the window of House C-10 who watched, still, the methodical march of the silhouette across the dusty concrete ravine.

As the warming light grew slowly towards its blistering peak, an air of difference, of excitement, even, whispered its way through the streets of Block D. From person to person, like a secret amongst schoolchildren, the buzz of the unusual meandered. Fed by the sound of vehicles in the road and voices calling out from the safe-watch towers, the excitement crept further up. When midday came, and the sun beat so unbearably violently that not a single face could be seen even at the windows, the inhabitants of the Houses listened nervously as the roads crunched and growled with a seemingly endless stream of traffic. Whispering to one another through cracked lips, in the many separate rooms, the people theorised and deliberated over the sudden explosive increase in the activity around them. They spoke of the New Country and of their expectations of it; they spoke of the lush green land they had seen on screens and projected onto walls just a short while ago in the Old Country. They spoke of the move and of the great ships that they would board. They spoke of their joy. They smiled at their thoughts.

Awakening in the late afternoon, as the sun bent lower into the clear hot sky, the child returned to its window, now cast in shadow, and saw the windows opposite now bleached with the brilliant glare. No faces looked back.

 Below, in the dusty street, were parked coach after coach right along the way in either direction, as far as the child could see. And surrounding the coaches were the white-unformed New Country coordinators, their skin shielded coolly from the burning rays by the shadows cast by the stern, imposing Houses lining the C-side of the street. Startlingly, in a manner that woke the remaining slumberers, a bright voice broke out over the speaker-phones situated at the safe-watch towers, announcing to all the excitingly anticipated news:

People of the Old Country, come listen. Just as you have surely been hoping, your wait has come to an end. This evening you shall begin your short journey to the New Country, where all the dreams you’ve been dreaming will come true all around. Just look out of your windows and you shall see your New Country re-situation coordinators waiting to assist you in your travel to the ships’ loading bays. You’ll want to create as little confusion as possible so just take your time getting down to your coaches and you’ll soon be on your way. From your Chief Operator here at your Waiting Space, thank you and enjoy.

And so, with wide eyes, quick feet, and smiles glinting in the shadowed stairwells, the people moved in their masses. A million near-naked bodies stepped out onto the dust of the earth for a minute apiece, until they climbed aboard the coaches that awaited them, the coordinators standing, smiling, helpful, all around. Once the vehicles were packed and the Houses left empty and echoing the rumble of the firing of engines, the coaches set off up row after row of cloudy streets. All had vacated, bar one. The child in the window stayed back, in a stairwell, nursing an injured ankle, and painfully, gently, climbed back into its room, propping itself up at the paneless window to watch the coaches roll off into the now purpling horizon.

A slow stretch of time of waiting, of dozing and whispering and building of excitement later and the many coaches arrived in a series of marvellous concrete craters, a way north beyond the walls of The Waiting Space. The child watched from its window the darkening skies and the tiny stars that began to pierce through. At the craters, the many began to move as the coordinators led them from their coaches and then left in them themselves, heading back to the South. Standing and waiting for they-didn’t-know-what, the people winced as the sun shone its last rays of the day over the mountains to the East and, simultaneously, the craters began to move rhythmically as an ocean tide. Lowering its gaze, the child, now sat in its blackened window-frame, looked North to where he could hear the rumble of the ships as they started their engines.

As the blasts of explosives threw crater after crater of bodies into the cooling summer air, falling back in a hot scarlet sprawl into the vast concrete bowl, the child in the window, legs hanging against the blackening outside wall, considered the time it would take before the next shipment of the New Country assigned would take place. As the skies and streets all around blackened like tissue blotted with quick-spreading ink, the child, brimming with anticipation, slipped back from the window into the hard, cold room. The Waiting Space stood motionless,  monotonously grey, in the silent starry night.

Copy/Paste for the sake of Haste

Enjoy the next couple of things I post. They’re copied-and-pasted over from my Wordpress account. Whether or not this is kosher Tumblr behaviour I am not sure, but I’ve nothing new to post right at this very moment, so for the sake of a speedy populating of the very white space that is my Tublr blog at the moment, I’m going ahead with my lazy plan.

I’m here.

I have arrived on Tumblr. I have given in. Where are you all?